BEGIN OPEN LETTER

Dear authors and signatories to other open letters,

Perhaps you will consider signing this open letter as well. The more signatories, the more true the letter! You will only increase, not decrease, the power you have in the Church by signing more letters.

We, the authors of open letters, should join together, so that we may rule the Church by a series of letters. We should use these letters to instruct the Supreme Pontiff, our servant, and the Cardinals and Bishops, who serve at our pleasure, so that the Church would finally be led, as Christ intended, by groups of self-appointed self-justifying members of the faithful.

I can tell from the content of your open letters that you will agree with this open letter, when I say that the teaching of Christ on the foundation of the Church is much misunderstood. For when He said that the Church was founded on the Rock, who is Peter, what He really meant was that we — who by our own judgment are most faithful — are all Peters by faith. And so the Church is not founded on one person, the Rock who is the Roman Pontiff. How would that even work? Instead, it is founded on the many tiny rocks of us signatories. (What is the term for many tiny rocks? I forget.) That is the meaning of this parable also:

[Matthew]
{7:24} Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and does them shall be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock.
{7:25} And the rains descended, and the floods rose up, and the winds blew, and rushed upon that house, but it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
{7:26} And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them shall be like a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand.
{7:27} And the rains descended, and the floods rose up, and the winds blew, and rushed upon that house, and it did fall, and great was its ruin.”

So, then, which is better, to found the House which is the Church on a single Rock, the successor of Peter, or on the many tiny rocks of we, the sand of the Church? Obviously, more is better! Keep signing!

Accusations are the stuff that open letters are made of. Where can we find sufficient accusations, in order to write more open letters and give those letters more influence? Why not look to the Mass Media and the internet. Those guys are never wrong. Whenever they claim the Pope has erred, let’s write another open letter, and make sure that the Pope understands his role, to explain himself to reporters and querulous conservatives, who consider his very person to be an offense.

Always remember, though, when you are writing your open letters, to assume that every accusation against the Vicar of Christ, whether in the realm of doctrine or discipline, certainly must be true. For we know that there are only two kinds of Popes, good popes and bad popes, and we signatories decide which Pope is bad. And of course, it goes without saying — by which I mean you should say this very loudly on the internet — that small groups among the faithful decide which Popes are bad, and when they are bad, we have the right to the following:

* judge every teaching of the Pope
* judge every decision of the Pope
* judge every remark and opinion
* demand that the Pope resign
* ignore his teachings and decisions
* form groups to oppose him
* support every accusation against him
* ridicule the idea that God chose him
* belittle anyone who disagrees with us

For we are the self-proclaimed faithful, and we are every bit as much the Church as the buildings of the Vatican are the Church. We are the tiny rocks on the shores of beaches of which Jesus himself spoke. His parable was about us! What greater qualification would we need to judge and condemn any Pope?

END OPEN LETTERS!

If you agree with my open letter parody above, speak out against open letters.